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By Duncan MacGregor


So you want to fly pigeons do you? Thatís good news. The young kids of today just donít bother. They donít know what theyíre missing, itís a great pastime, and Iíve been flying for 30 years. Iím currently president and a founding member of our club, bet you didnít know that, eh. Iíll also bet you didnít know that Iíve also won every race distance over the years. Youíve shown a lot of nous for a young fella, by going right to the top. If I canít set you right no one can.

The birds here are bred to my old line, true champions, donít worry about the imported stuff, they just donít have the guts for our hard conditions. Stick with the old stuff son theyíll never let you down. Never finished out of a place the last three years with the old line. Finished either first, second or third in the aggregate as well. Pretty hard to beat a performance like that you know. Stick with me son, youíll be winning races before you can say íBobs me auntyí.

Now, weíll have a look at the birds in a minute but before we do, Iíll better pass on some of the experience thatís taken me years to master. First, donít listen to those new boys with all their funny ideas, they mean well, but they just donít know. Stick with the peas, son, thatís the way to feed. All these fancy mixes, just a fad, seventy-five per cent peas, boy, thatís the way to feed. Donít let anyone tell you otherwise.

Whatís that you say, cost? Well itís not as cheap as it used to be. You need a clock. I might have an old one somewhere, theyíre not cheap you know, but I could let you have it for a couple of hundred, rings are getting dearer, youíve got transport and straw costs, entry fees both for the club and federation not to mention the club and fed affiliation fees. But donít worry son itís all worth it, and with my advice, as I said earlier, youíll be collecting a few bob in prize money before you know it. We used to have junior memberships, but the committee voted to abolish it last year, but donít worry son, youíll manage.

What was that, how many birds do you need? Youíll need some quality stock birds, I just might have a couple of pair that I can give you, theyíre pretty old, but donít worry son, they filled nearly all their eggs last year and I suppose there will be a couple of other pairs I could sell cheap. Donít like to part with them, you know, but because I like you I spose Iíll make an exception.

Race birds, now thereís a different story. Youíll need to breed extras just to feed those bloody falcons. Bloody greenies, first they stop us getting rid of the menace from the sky. The old rabbit trap son, them was the days, sorted the bastards out straight away. Hey, what? No, not the greenies, the bloody falcons. Now they want to fine you or lock you up. This world is going to pot. Where was I? Thatís right, the greenies, now theyíre trying to limit the number of birds we can breed.

See that shed down the back son. No, not the brick one, the little tin one. Used to fit sixty birds in there once. Ah, those were the days.

Oh, one last thing before we go down the back. When you come down the club watch out for Stewie and Les, you just canít trust them, theyíre only interested in themselves, you know? Stick with me son.

Whatís that son? Speak-up, youíll never do if you canít speak up. What, how many members in the club? Well ití been a bit quiet the last three years. Whatís that you say, how many? Just the three of us, I just canít understand the youth of today, youíd think they would get of their arses, but no, not them. Ah well itís their loss. Whatís that? You donít want to look at the birds. WHY NOT?